Step up to the toilet with you legs almost touching the sides of the toilet. If the toilet seat is down, do not worry or get confused.
Lift both toilet seats up by firmly gripping the seat with a thumb and index finger (preferably from the same hand) Both seats should rest on back of toilet bowl now.
Unzip your pants and release your manhood (if you can find it...) If you can't findit, DO NOT PANIC. Just turn around and sit down lie the ladies do and skip the rest of this course.
Once your member is firmly gripped in your hand (or hands if you are hung like a horse) pee CAREFULLY directly into the water that is located INSIDE the toilet bowl. (Try not to sneeze now or your pee will be all over the floor and walls)
After your pee has ceased to exist, gently shake yourmember thre times while still aiming at the water, so the pee does not leak down your pants aftewards... (IMPORTANT: Do not shake it more than three times or you might start to enjoy it too much)
Now gently slip your member back into your pants and zip up your pants. Please make sure your member is not sticking out while ziping or you will quickly know what major pain feel like.
Now comes the hard part. (I know you can do it because you are a rel man) Remember your thumband index finger used earlier? Extend them once more and firmly grasp the toiet seat. Gently and conidently lower the seats so the water bowl is covered. If you are worried about germs you may use your foot or call your wife/girlfriend for assistance.
Last thing to do is to FLUSH THE TOILET and you are finished withthe fine art of going pee pee.
You have now learned proper toilet etiquette.Hold your head up high and be proud.