REVEREND AL SHARPTON FOR PRESIDENT: You asked for it. Well, you didnt really ask, but we are generously giving it to you anyway. And some of you asked. We earlier pledged our support to his run for the roses in 2004. Here are our reasons for dedicating our efforts, our lives, and our something less than our sacred honor to Mr. Sharpton and his candidacy for PRESIDENT:
1. Mr. Sharpton is an African American. African Americans need to stand together and vote together, except for obvious crossover, oreo, cream-filleds like Colin Powell, Clarence Thomas, and Condie Rice, who arent really Black enough to be real African Americans.
2. Mr. Sharpton is that rare clergyman who has a direct pipeline to God, himself. He can always put a good word in for you, if you vote for him.
3. The Reverend Al Sharpton is NOT the Reverend Jesse Jackson. That fact should bring in millions of votes by itself. Should it be required, he can also sanctify funerals and weddings for supporters. The jury is out on his performing circumcisions. And Al has an earned divinity degree which didnt come out of a box of shredded wheat.
4. Mr. Sharpton has more name recognition than any other democratic candidate. Way up in Seattle, for example, in a well-known computer firm, far more workers know Reverend Als name than know Howard Deans? Or is it John Dean? Or Dean Rusk? Or James Dean? Or Dean Wormer? Or Howard The Duck? I get confused sometimes.
5. Unlike some democratic candidates, Mr. Sharpton has been four square against war with Iraq. Like them, he doesnt have a clue where Iraq is.
6. Al Sharpton is a man of the people. He doesnt have fancy degrees from someIvy League College or those mostly white universities which only confuse a persons thinking. Many of his political opponents are convinced that Sharptons cerebral functions do not qualify as 'thinking' at all.
7. No shrinking violet, The Reverend Sharpton is frequently found on talk shows up and down the political spectrum. He is a particular favorite on shows like OReilly, Hannity and Colmes, and others where he easily matches half wit with FNCs deeply embedded, though fair and balanced, conservatives.
8. Al Sharpton is NOT Don King.
9. As a native New Yorker, a victorious President Sharpton will restore geographic balance to the Oval Office, which has been bogged down in the Old South for more than twenty years. With all those voters committed to genuinely liberal principles, we wonder why so many presidents in recent times have not come from New York or New England. California did give us Richard M. Nixon, of course.
10. Sharpton is a hoot. Eight years with Al at the helm would provide entertainment for the pundit and the common man alike. Imagine countless hours of Letterman, Leno, SNL, C-Span devoted to exploring the funny side of Al's Presidency. Americans have not seen his likes since the Clinton years. And since Sharpton does not play the Sax, safe or not, we wont have to suffer his presence on that horrible MTV. The extreme left does not like Sharpton. We assume that it is a function of his middle-of-the-road positions, pandering neither to the extremes of socialist left nor the neocon right. Writes one well known liberal in the pages of http://politicalpulpit.com >>>>>I miss Bill Clinton. As for Sharpton running for president I would vote for Hitler before I'de vote for Bush, but I wouldn't vote for Sharpton at gun-point>>>>> Which tells us, I think, that Sharpton is Number two on the left. Lots of Republicans have called him something akin to a number two, also.
11. And finally, after years and years of dealing the Race Card from the bottom of the deck, our President Reverend Al will be able to deal it from the top. This promotes honesty and lessens the possibility of cheating whether on the little woman or the moral structure of the office.