More John Howard Jokes - What's your IQ ?



John Howards Sydney house burned to the ground this evening after a neighbour set fire to his back yard wood pile late last week. The fire burned slowly for several days before eventually spreading to the shed, the dog house and ultimately destroying the main house. Firefighters were called to the Prime Ministers residence at 6pm and had to pull Howard from the burning dining room. Howard was reportedly enjoying dinner and had not noticed the burning beams falling around his head until it was almost too late.

The Fire Department has questioned Howards failure to notice the warning signs and extinguish the fire while it was still small. The investigation revealed that Howard was given a number of warnings that his wood pile was on fire. Howard recieved reports 2 weeks ago that his neighbour was a pyromaniac and liked to set fires in wood piles, similar to Mr Howards. When the fire started, Howard was informed by his nose that smoke was filling his back yard. Later another neighbour knocked on Howards door and explained that his back yard was on fire. Police later found the arsonist and informed Mr Howard of the fact that he had set many fires in the area, and that it would be prudent to check his backyard for signs of fire.

Mr Howard has claimed that he could not and should not know that his house was on fire.

At no point was I told that my neighbour was an arsonist and had lit a fire in my woodpile that would engulf my house. If I knew my house was on fire, why would I have co-operated with the fire investigation?

When pressed, Howard admitted that the reports of the pyromainiac neighbour had prompted his good friend Alex to ask his neighbour whether he had lit any fires in Mr Howards back yard. He returned satisfied on the basis of the assurances given by the neighbour that no fire existed in the back yard.

Rumours of the Howard house fire were widely circulating amongst Mr Howards family and friends. Evidence presented at the investigation revealed that Mr Howard discussed fire prevention, woodpile safety and pyromaniac neighbours in his regular family meeting, and while everyone else in the room developed suspicions they apparenlt failed to pass that information up the line to Mr Howard. Mr Howard maintains that there was no way he could have known of the conflagration.

Howard defended himself further by saying Its all well and good to look back on this event with hindsight, but at the time I had to act on the information available to me at the time. And I repeat that I was never told in one single communication that required no further thinking or investigation by myself that my neighbour was an arsonist and had lit a fire in my woodpile that would engulf my house.

Mr Howard has however dropped plans to allow the arsonist neighbour to run the block street party BBQ scheduled for later in the week.


A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biometrics, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities of Australian males.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is very cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectlty prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, cricket, supermodels, favorite fast foods, best beer and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says: "So.............. ya gunna vote for John Howard again?"

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This page was last updated Wed Mar 22 18:54:52 2006 Pacific time